My Kalani Experience

I've been so busy blogging about that Kentucky Kim Davis and other assorted annoyances over the past few weeks, that I haven't taken the time to do a post about my brief stay at the Hawaiian resort Kalani. I was supposed to stay at Kalani for seven days and six nights, but I only made it through about two days and two nights. As I've stated before, the geckos that filled my bungalow (see below) drove me out of there. Had I not had to share my space with lizards, I probably (maybe) would have remained at the resort for the full week. It's an odd place and I knew that going in. During my brief stay, there weren't many guests. In fact, most of the people I came into contact with were staff members who live and work on the resort grounds. I tried to talk with people during meals to find out exactly why and how they ended up at a remote hippie retreat on an undeveloped part of Hawaii and each person had a rather interesting story to explain how he or she came to be there. The guy who drove me from the airport was originally from Germany and had also lived in Chicago for a time before ending up in Hawaii. (The weather in Chicago drives many people out of town and he was no exception.) I spoke with a  Canadian woman who had taken a leave of absence from her job as a family counselor to bounce around Hawaii and live out of a rental car. She was trying to decide if she wanted to become a volunteer at the resort. Most of the people I saw working there were young and white and many of them seemed happy to live off the grid out there in the jungle. Hey, if that's your bag, baby, do it. I, on the other hand, could never live out in the middle of nowhere like that. No cell phone signal? Spotty wi-fi? Clothing-optional swimming? Oh, and did I mention the geckos? Yeah, thanks but no thanks. When I left Kalani and relocated to a nice hotel in Hilo, I must have checked my bags and the room for the first two days making sure it was gecko-free before I was able to totally relax. (My fear was that one or more of those lizards had hitchhiked in my luggage. Thankfully, none had.) What I learned from my brief stay at Kalani was that I am not cut out to "rough it." I'm a city kid who doesn't do well in a non-urban environment. I also prefer a clothing-required swimming environment and critter-free living space.