Step Gently

Like many other people, I have a stepmother and step-siblings. Often times when stepparents are mentioned, they're referred to negatively. The evil stepmother is a real and present thing. I consider myself thankful that my own stepmother isn't evil or vindictive and we get along fine. But it's worth noting that I was in my 20s when my father remarried and my mother and father had been divorced for quite a while, so I wasn't a child when my stepmother became my stepmother. I also never lived with my father and stepmother. I also didn't grow up with my stepbrothers and sisters. We were all adults and living in separate states when the marriage between our parents occurred. Now fast forward to the present and my stepmother and her kids have a long weekend vacation planned for later next month. I, personally, would have preferred to skip this family outing for a few reasons. First, I don't really know my step siblings nor do I have much of a relationship with them. We see each other rarely (again, we live in different states). I don't dislike them, but I'm not keen on spending my vacation time with them either. Second, my father married into my stepmother's family. I did not. Therefore, if someone should spend time with her family, it should be my father, not me. The onus is on HIM to establish and maintain a relationship with his stepchildren.

As someone with limited vacation time from her day job, I resent having to spend any of my vacation days going somewhere I don't want to go and/or doing something I don't want to do. However, had I declined to go on this "family" trip, I would have faced criticism from my father. So I decided it was better to just suck it up and go along to get along. Sometimes you have to step gently when dealing with stepparents and real parents alike.