This Week in Bizarro News

I was reading on the Internet (something I need to stop doing so often) that a lot of Parmesan cheese on the market now (the kind that shakes out of the container, not the kind you have to slice) actually has wood pulp in it. One brand from a local grocery chain in Chicago (Jewel) pulled their Parmesan cheese off the shelves this week because of this. Oy! You think you're shaking cheese onto your pasta but you're really shaking wood onto your food and eating it. Are things really that tough in the cheese market these days that we can't actually sell people real cheese? People love cheese! I'm sure the cheese industry makes tons of money. So why has it come to this? Mixing wood pulp in with real grated cheese? That's terrible and nasty. The food industry is shady and these manufacturers will do anything to save a nickle including giving the public food that's not really food.

In other bizarro news, when I was coming back from NY earlier this week, and was waiting for the monorail that takes you from the New Jersey Transit train station to Newark Airport (convenient transportation, by the way), a woman and her husband/boyfriend/whatever were checking the flight monitors at the station and saw that their flight had departed already. However, they were complaining (well, she was anyway) about how the flight wasn't scheduled to depart until 1:06 pm. It was 1:00!!! She kept saying, "I can't believe the flight left already." Did she really think she could get to the airport, go through security, and get on the plane in six minutes? Apparently she did. During the monorail ride to the airport, she was still complaining about that departed flight. I fought the urge to just turn to her and say, "Bitch, the plane is gone! It's gone! You missed it!" Seriously, she looked like she was high or something. Maybe she'd taken a Xanax to calm her nerves for the flight and it was affecting her judgment.

There Will Be Cake!

I don't normally write short stories, but I cranked one out for the Love Wins series JMS Books has available to celebrate the recent Supreme Court gay marriage ruling. My story, "There Will Be Cake," centers on nineteen-year-old college student Nick Wattley. Nick is serving as the best man in his father Tim’s wedding to his partner, Craig Pearson. After being closeted for years, Tim is finally out and proud and Nick is happy for his dad. But a weekend that’s supposed to be filled with pre-wedding preparations turns into a nightmare for Nick as he’s forced to deal with one uncomfortable situation after another. A day after witnessing a terrible argument between Tim and Craig, Nick mistakenly walks in on his father and his partner while they’re in flagrante delicto. And, just when he thinks things can’t get any worse, Nick is forced to deal Tim’s anxiety over walking down the aisle again and physically fend off an old friend of Craig’s who tries to make trouble.

There Will Be Cake didn't start out as a story about gay marriage. It actually started as a short story I wrote called "Through the Walls" about the son having an uncomfortable encounter with his father's partner. I shopped that one in some short story contests, but didn't get any prizes, so I tucked it away. I figured I'd be able to revise it someday or work it into something else and that's what you'll see with "There Will Be Cake." Check it out. I think it's one of the better things I've written and I'm quite proud of it.

Again with the NYC

I'm back in New York again for a quick work visit. I'm glad I got into the city early yesterday since, apparently, a number of flights were canceled due to the weather. 

I need to come back during the spring or summer when I don't have to work and have a good amount of time to be a tourist.

Mr. Roboto

I went to the Chicago Auto Show yesterday and got the chance to see, touch, and sit in a variety of cars I'll surely never be able to afford like an Audi A6. I was impressed with how nice the leather interiors were in so many of the luxury vehicles. There's also a lot of gadgetry in cars these days and on one hand that's great, but on the other hand it's not. You shouldn't have to multitask while driving. It's dangerous. I didn't take any pictures of actual cars at the Auto Show, but I did get a shot of this weird robot that Ford put out for the viewing public. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto!

Commercials

Maybe because Valentine's Day is tomorrow, I keep seeing commercials for Cialis and jewelry stores. The latest Cialis commercial I saw showed a man and a woman hanging curtains (!) and they bumped into each other. This bump caused the couple to, apparently, feel like it was time for Cialis. Hanging curtains leads to sexy time? Really? Curtains???

Jewelry commercials seem to flourish during Valentine's Day, understandably. I was watching a commercial advertising brown diamonds and I decided to check them out on the jewelry store's website. I was under the impression that brown diamonds were (A) plentiful and (B) not expensive. I was wrong, at least about the cost. The brown diamonds I saw advertised were expensive. I thought a pair of earrings would be relatively cheap, like a few hundred dollars. Ha! Not so. I don't recall seeing any brown diamonds in that price range. In fact, the earrings, necklaces, etc. I saw were over $1,000. That's too much money for me.

And, finally, the Lenten season brings out the fish commercials. I've seen more Filet-O-Fish commercials in the last week than I've ever seen along with commercials for Wendy's fish sandwich. Fish sandwiches never get this kind of publicity during the rest of the year, but the Lenten season is their brief time to shine.

Rigged

I saw a story on the news about a guy who sued the Chicago Police Department (no surprise there) for creating a rigged lineup. All of the men in the lineup were young and black, but there was one difference: the guy who sued was several shades lighter than the others. The photo of the lineup was ridiculous. The lighter skinned guy was right in the middle between guys whose complexions weren't even close to his own. Shouldn't a lineup be with similar-looking people? If a white guy is a bank robbery suspect, is it fair to put him in a lineup with five black guys? I don't think so! I want the justice system to work, but I also want it to be fair...for everyone. The guy who sued the city won his case although the city is expected to appeal the ruling.

Overrated

I just heard Sam Smith's song "Stay With Me" (otherwise known as "Won't Back Down" previously done by Tom Petty) and I thought, Sam is overrated. He can sing, but his voice is underwhelming to me. I read about another white British soul singer, Jessie J, who expressed disappointment that she wasn't recognized as a great singer like Mariah or Aretha because (in her mind) she was on par with these divas. When I read this, my first thought was, Who's Jessie J? Now, granted, I'm not exactly up to speed on a lot of current performers out there, but I think I would have heard of someone who sang on a Celine/Mariah/Aretha/Patty level. 

In other music-related news, I was watching Cabaret on TV last night and I can't believe I've never seen it on stage. Liza and Joel, who definitely are not overrated, were excellent in the film. I wonder if the play is equally as entertaining.